Love in our times: a necessity or not?

Love. The one thing that binds all of us as humans together. The one thing that we all crave in some form or other. Love comes in many different forms and disguises. Whether its parental,sibling,to that between husband and wife or even between best friends,love appears differently to different people.

I used to believe that each one of us were destined to find love and have love in our lives. I used to think that without love it would be impossible to live a happy and enjoyable life. I used to think love was a necessary ingredient for a well-lived life. Ask most people and i’m almost certain that they would echo that sentiment.

Well,as the years have rolled by and life has happened i’m sorry to say that i no longer feel the same way. The world is a messed up place in most cases and to be brutally honest,if you look around,love seems to be less important to a lot of people. People would rather chase money and other more selfish and self serving interests.

More and more families are breaking apart,divorce is at an all time high whilst racial and religious intolerance is also rising all the time. I guess it would be fair to say that things were meant to be used and people were meant to be loved. The only problem in our messed up society is that people are used and things are loved.

The point i’m trying to make is that love is no longer a necessity in our current times. Love is more of a luxury. Not everyone will be loved,not everyone is destined to find someone to love. Hell some wont even have family to reciprocate love. However we shouldn’t let the lack of love detract us from living life to the fullest.

Am i a cynic? Well i don’t think love is a necessity but i do believe in love. The only difference is that i don’t believe i’m meant to find someone to love. I do however have amazing friends and family that i know love me. So i’ll let you decide whether i’m a cynic or not.

Do you guys and gals think that we’re all meant to love someone and that love is a necessity for us as the human race? Please drop a comment or message as i’d love to hear from you.

Till next time peeps. Ciao

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Nice guys do INDEED finish last…

Bold statement to some,truth to others and to the rest utter bullshit. We’ve all heard this saying before and countless articles have been written on it. You’ll either agree or disagree with this statement. 

I,for one,am one of those that definitely believe that nice guys finish last. Do I consider myself to be a nice guy? Well,for the most part,I’d sure like to think so. Does this mean I’ve finished last? When it comes to relationships you can bet your last dollar I have. I mean I’m 40 years old,still single and have never really had a major long lasting relationship. 

Does this mean I’m going to sit here and moan and complain about my lack of luck with the ladies? Am I going to generalise and say that all women are exactly the same? Not quite. However,like countless guys that have found themselves in the same predicament,I have wondered about many things. 

Why is it that time after time women,in general,fall for the so-called bad boy? Why do they chase guys that tend to use and misuse them and are really only after one thing? Why,despite me showering them with attention and compliments,do I hardly get any in return? And lastly why oh why am I put in the friend zone,time after time,when they see how well I treat them and they know I’ll make a great partner?

 The easy answer would be to lay all the blame at the women’s doorstep. I could say that women have no idea what they missing out on and that they’re blind to see what we,as nice guys,have to offer.

Until recently I myself had found myself putting the blame on women where in fact the blame should be directed towards us as the guys. The truth why nice guys finish last is quite simple. 

I believe we become so completely focused on finding someone that we totally lose our true identity. We undervalue our own self-worth. We are so scared of ending up alone that in the end,we end up chasing all the wrong women. In so doing we allow ourselves to be taken advantage of because somehow it makes us feel needed. This will manifest itself over and over again. 

 Now,I’m not saying you should become a jerk or a player or the so called bad boy. I’m merely saying we should firstly be comfortable being alone. We should always know our own self-worth and never sell ourselves short. That way we won’t be chasing after the wrong women and when that happens we will have an opportunity to find that special one that deserves all you have to offer. 

Until we change the way we view ourselves and take pride with the fact that we are the so called nice guys I’m afraid to say we will indeed always finish last.

Guys do you agree or not? And ladies do you have any advice for us to help us avoid the pitfalls that most nice guys fall into? Please feel free to leave a comment
Till a next time. Ciao

Facing our fears and overcoming them…

Some might call me stupid but I’d like to believe that each one of us,on this journey called life,have one or other fear that we face that prevents us from becoming the best possible version of ourselves that we can. I don’t believe that anyone is born fearless but,rather,what separates people is their ability to face their fears and overcome them. 

I personally have many fears and I’ve avoided facing most of them simply thinking that by ignoring them they would disappear. That hasn’t quite turned out to be the case. The older I’ve become the more I’ve realised that by ignoring my fears all I’ve in fact done is kept myself from doing things and achieving goals. 

Fears of rejection and of ridicule can be counted amongst my many fears. The problem I’ve always had is that,due to my low self esteem,I’ve always connected my value to what others think of me. I think that’s why I’ve always avoided any type of public speaking or doing anything in front of a crowd of any size. It’s even affected my ability to chat to the opposite sex. The constant fear of ‘Oh my gosh,what will they think of me?’ or ‘ will she think I’m fat or ugly or boring?’ has prevented me from trying alot of new things and from meeting new people. 

Now,I’m lucky to have this one really special friend of mine and she has made me realise that I can’t really continue like this if i want to see a change in my life. She has challenged me to get out of my comfort zone and attempt things that I normally wouldn’t. All she tells me is ‘Go be the man’. She was the one that inspired me to start this blog. 

I suppose that without any action nothing would in fact change. It’s not to say that all of a sudden I no longer have these fears but at least I am trying. As a example of this I did something recently that really petrified me.

 My one hobby I have is latin american dancing and my trainer and partner have been trying to get me into competitive dancing again so I decided to bite the bullet and give it a go. My first competition was on Saturday and I can’t begin to tell you how nervous I was. My mouth was so dry and I thought I would make a real mess of it. Well would you believe it,but it went really well. We placed third but for me the bigger achievement was just getting on the floor and actually enjoying myself. 

It was a definite eye opener. The moment I decided ‘Fuck it’ and cared less of people’s opinion of me was the moment I was just able to be me and just enjoy the moment.

I think we all come to a point in our lives where we have to decide. Will we let fear rule us or will we actually try to overcome it? I guess each one of us defines courage differently but for me courage is defined as taking that first step into the unknown with nothing more than hope and faith that everything will be ok but also being safe in the knowledge that even if things don’t turn out the way that you wanted,at least you were willing to try and that you leave behind no regrets. 

Speaking from personal experience I can tell you that nothing is worse than looking back with regret. So my advice? Take that first step into the unknown. Take that leap of faith. Greatness is not achieved by not taking any risks. Risk failing because trust me if you do succeed the reward for overcoming your fear will be more than worth it. It has the potential to completely change your life.

So the question I ask you is,do you let fear rule your life or have you managed to overcome yours? Please drop me a comment and share with me your take on facing your fears and what you did to overcome it. 

Till the next time. Ciao

The last week of being in my 30’s : 5 life lessons learned so far…

Almost 40…it’s arrived alot quicker than what I’ve expected it to. In less than a week’s time I’ll be 40 even though i don’t really feel it. I would like to say that,like a fine red wine,I’m only getting better with age. 

Life has thrown me it’s fair share of curveballs and I’ve had some ups and downs and through it all it’s brought me to where i am today. The beauty of age is that with it we tend to see life differently,to than when we were younger. 

So even though 40 is by no means old I’d like to share some of the lessons that life has taught me so far and to give advice to anyone younger than me on how to possibly deal with it. 

1: Life rarely turns out the way we expect it to..

When we young we all tend to have hopes and dreams of where we see ourselves in our adult life. We have pictures in our minds of what jobs we would like to have and imagine how our lives are going to be. I would say that in a minimum of 80% of cases it doesn’t happen this way. Ill health or financial economics are just 2 examples of what can prevent us from chasing our dream job or let us realise our full potential.My advice is to make the most with what you got. Don’t bitch and moan if things haven’t turned out the way you wanted. Work your ass off and be grateful for what you have. There are alot of people way worse off than you. 

2: Losing loved ones is a reality. 

I think it’s fair to say that all people will experienced this at one or other point in their life. I,myself,have lost a sister ,both my parents,both sets of grandparents plus uncles and aunts already. People grieve in different ways and the time it takes to move on also greatly differs. The only advice i have is to appreciate everyone while you can. Don’t think you’ve got tommorrow because that is promised to no single person. Don’t be scared to apologise if you’re in the wrong. Also don’t judge other people if they’ve lost a loved one. I mean just because you got over your loss,in 2 or 3 months time,doesn’t mean the next person will. 

3: People come into our lives for different reason and amounts of time. 

This might not resonate with some people but i definitely believe that people cross our paths for some or other reason. It might not always be for the best reasons but i found it to be true. They tend either to be blessings in our lives or lessons that we will never forget. You’ll also notice that not everyone sticks around for the same period. Even your bestest of friends back in school don’t always stay that once you leave. Just try to learn the reason why certain people are in your life. If for example you were in a toxic relationship than know what to avoid on the next one-learn the lessons. And if people are a blessing try be the same back to them. 

4: There will ALWAYS be haters. 

Trust me on this one. You’ll always find somebody that has nothing good to say about you. I see this as a good thing. I don’t think we’re meant to be liked by everyone and our opinions are going to be different to someone else’s sooner or later. Don’t try please everyone. Don’t be scared to stand on your own if you believe in something strongly enough. We should always be keen to better ourselves because the better we become and the more successful we become the more haters we will attract. People that are haters are envious that they can’t be you and don’t have your determination or courage to go out there and live your life to the best of your ability. Having haters is a good thing. It means you’re on the right track. 

5: Family isn’t always blood.

Sad but true. Being related to someone by blood doesn’t necessarily make them family. Family is much more than bloos. It’s the people that have your back regardless. That are there for you no matter the time no matter the crisis. Who,most importantly,accept you just the way you are-with all your wackiness and weirdness. My only advice is TREASURE SUCH PEOPLE. They are far and few between. 

All i know is life is always moving and I’m still learning as i go along. I don’t know how long I’ve got left but hopefully i can keep on growing and bettering myself and understanding better the journey I’m on.

So what life lessons have you learnt?Please feel free to share with me or to leave any comments. Look forward to hearing you..till the next post

Ciao