Nice guys do INDEED finish last…

Bold statement to some,truth to others and to the rest utter bullshit. We’ve all heard this saying before and countless articles have been written on it. You’ll either agree or disagree with this statement. 

I,for one,am one of those that definitely believe that nice guys finish last. Do I consider myself to be a nice guy? Well,for the most part,I’d sure like to think so. Does this mean I’ve finished last? When it comes to relationships you can bet your last dollar I have. I mean I’m 40 years old,still single and have never really had a major long lasting relationship. 

Does this mean I’m going to sit here and moan and complain about my lack of luck with the ladies? Am I going to generalise and say that all women are exactly the same? Not quite. However,like countless guys that have found themselves in the same predicament,I have wondered about many things. 

Why is it that time after time women,in general,fall for the so-called bad boy? Why do they chase guys that tend to use and misuse them and are really only after one thing? Why,despite me showering them with attention and compliments,do I hardly get any in return? And lastly why oh why am I put in the friend zone,time after time,when they see how well I treat them and they know I’ll make a great partner?

 The easy answer would be to lay all the blame at the women’s doorstep. I could say that women have no idea what they missing out on and that they’re blind to see what we,as nice guys,have to offer.

Until recently I myself had found myself putting the blame on women where in fact the blame should be directed towards us as the guys. The truth why nice guys finish last is quite simple. 

I believe we become so completely focused on finding someone that we totally lose our true identity. We undervalue our own self-worth. We are so scared of ending up alone that in the end,we end up chasing all the wrong women. In so doing we allow ourselves to be taken advantage of because somehow it makes us feel needed. This will manifest itself over and over again. 

 Now,I’m not saying you should become a jerk or a player or the so called bad boy. I’m merely saying we should firstly be comfortable being alone. We should always know our own self-worth and never sell ourselves short. That way we won’t be chasing after the wrong women and when that happens we will have an opportunity to find that special one that deserves all you have to offer. 

Until we change the way we view ourselves and take pride with the fact that we are the so called nice guys I’m afraid to say we will indeed always finish last.

Guys do you agree or not? And ladies do you have any advice for us to help us avoid the pitfalls that most nice guys fall into? Please feel free to leave a comment
Till a next time. Ciao

Dating tips and advice for a 40 year old?

Dating advice and tips. If there is one subject on which numerous articles have been written on,then this would be it. Google or Youtube the term ‘dating advice’ or ‘dating tips’ and you’ll see exactly what I mean. Around each corner there is some or other expert that claim that they have the exact answer on what will or won’t work. 

Am I another one of those so called experts? Hardly…I’ve been single for such a long time that I’ve almost forgotten what it’s like to go on a proper date. Lol. So why write the post you might think. I was thinking it could be a case of us exchanging words of wisdom and advice.  

You might call me old fashioned but it’s as if everything surrounding dating has changed. Everything from where to meet people to whether or not to phone the other person the day after a date has changed. 

Finding someone that’s worth spending your time and effort on is difficult enough,but doing it once you reach 40 is even more so. We’re in a different stage of our lives with most of us looking for a serious commitment.

So,in saying all of this,what should one do if you were to meet someone that you like and they agreed to go out on a date with you. I’ll be sharing some of my advice and tips for a first date. This advice will be mostly for men but ladies please feel free to leave comments on what women should be doing on a first date. So without further ado here is my top 5 tips and advice for a first date :

■ MAKE SOME EFFORT. If the lady has agreed to go out on a date with you the bare minimum you should do is put in some effort. Shave, wear a nice smelling cologne, wear clothes that are appropriate for the setting (Don’t go wearing a pair of shorts and sandals to a nice restaurant for example).Women tend to like it when it looks like you’ve taken the time and put in a decent amount of effort. 

■ PAY FOR THE BILL. Now this might seem old fashioned but I still believe the man should pay on the first date. Even though women are earning the same as men in alot of cases or even if she earns more than you,don’t be that douche that makes a women pay. 

■ BE UPFRONT AND HONEST. This should be a no-brainer but yet I think it’s the one area from which most problems stem from. Just be honest with the woman. If you are just looking for a good time and are not looking for a long term commitment let that be known. If a long term relationship is what you are interested in also let that be known. This way there can be no confusion as to what people are looking for. What anyone gets from not being truthful goes beyond me.

■ ACCEPT THAT MOST PEOPLE COME WITH BAGGAGE. Let’s be realistic about this one. Most people that are 40+ come with some form of baggage. There’s been relationships or marriages that haven’t worked out,for some or other reason. There might be children involved. Adult life happens and each person deals with it differently. Everybody,including yourself,has baggage. 

■ DON’T BRING UP YOUR EXES. Unless she specifically asks about it do not,and I repeat,do not bring up the topic of your ex during the date. If it does come up be sure to let it be known that they no longer a part of your life and that it didn’t work out for a reason. Don’t go bad mouthing her and calling her bad names etc. This will immediately put up warning signs to the woman that you don’t handle conflict very well and that you don’t forgive or forget if a relationship doesn’t work out. 

Do these tips even apply nowadays? Am I completely missing the boat? Do you gents and ladies have any words of wisdom and advice to share? Please drop a comment and let us see if any of this can come in handy as us 40 year olds’ explore the dating scene…

Till the next time..ciao